Saturday, Jan. 15, 2005: 7:40 p.m.
Okay, I don�t know if I mentioned that while I was away I acquired this nasty sore throat. I woke up one morning in the hotel with this rank ass breath, mucus running all down the back of my throat and my tonsils were the size of golf balls. Dad, who thinks that he is a medical genius (when in fact he failed Biology in college and to retake it with his own father as his professor) decided that I gained such a horrible throat deformation through late night swimming with Gailmi and Emalee. We all knew that he had no fucking clue what he was talking about, but that�s okay. Greg, who is in fact a licensed practitioner in the medical field, looked at it later with genuine worry and concern; he told me that if it didn�t clear up when I went home, he wanted me to go to an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor. Well, I have been home for about two weeks now and my throat is as bad as ever. After much coercion and my self-diagnosis of Tonsillitis, Mom finally took me to the doctor. I always say that my mother thinks that I am a hypochondriac (which I�m still sure that she believes), but she corrected me and said that she just thinks that I am cry-baby. She left work early yesterday (which she never does), checked me out of school (again, never does), and took me to the doctor (never). On the way, she tells me that if there is not something wrong with me, she is going to beat me. We go to the doctor who asks me for a quick list of the symptoms that I have been suffering from (and I don�t use this term �suffering� lightly). I tell her about waking up at 3 and 4:00 in the morning simply from not being able to breathe, the excessive amount of mucus in the back of my throat, such an enormous amount in fact that I can breathe through my nose and my mouth will fill up with snot, the constant popping in my ears, the trouble and immense pain that I experience when I swallow, the atrocious and excruciating breath that I wake up tasting, and last, but certainly not least, my golf-ball sized tonsils. She sits me down and takes my temperature: maybe one or two tenths of a degree short of 102. She runs a Q-tip on my tonsils for a sample of my surplus of mucus. She tests it for Strep Throat and quickly returns with negative results. After taking another look into my throat, she is taken aback by the gargantuan-ness of my tonsils. She quickly writes me up a prescription for Amoxicillin (an antibiotic pill whose mega-hugeness is somewhat equal to that of my tonsils) and tells me to take two everyday for ten days. If after ten days, I am still experiencing these horrible things that I am now, to return. Even if all the snot and sleep problems, if everything goes away, but my tonsils are still as mega huge as they are, I will need to get them taken out. I watch on her computer as she diagnoses me: Acute Tonsillitis. Very shortly afterward, Mom drops me off at work.
This proves, however, that I am quite accurate in my self-diagnoses and people tell me that I am wrong and don�t believe me. This same thing happened last year when I broke my foot. I told my mom, �I broke my foot! It�s broken! I know it! It hurts! Please! Take me to get it x-rayed!� �Stephanie, you and I both know that your foot is not broken. Stop limping like that! It�s not broken! Stop being stupid!� We go to the doctor, get it x-rayed: it�s broken. Kate was doubting my tonsillitis. "Stephanie, if you had tonsillitis you wouldn't be able to talk. You do not have tonsillitis."
Poop. All this medical work to have done. I will probably get my tonsils taken out, next month I will be getting my braces and might have to have wisdom teeth pulled (ouch), and I have sore gums around my front two teeth, so sore that I can suck really hard (that�s sound so wrong) and my gums will bleed. I am just one big pile of dysfunction and unhealth.
Kelly�s party is tomorrow night. I am really glad that she invited me. We haven�t talked to each other in a long time and she still invited me, which made me feel really good. I bought her some bitchin� presents. I might not spend the night, though. It�s not that I don�t want to (because I really do), it�s that I don�t want to get anyone sick. This tonsillitis is horrible and I don�t want anyone to have to get it. It would cause mass suckage.
Anyway, it�s about 7:30 PM, I might watch a movie or something. I have to work tomorrow. Did I ever tell you guys that I got a job? I work at Waffle House! Ha! I think it�s really funny. I make good cash though. We get paid weekly in stead of bi-weekly, paid in cash in stead of check, plus we get tips; so I�ve made some good money. I work with JD, so that�s always fun. I want to call him and see if he wants to hang out tonight before he has to go back to work.
Snort the mooncrack.
MOONCRACKHEAD AND AWAY!
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