Thursday, Jan. 08, 2004: 5:27 p.m.
Okay, I know I've not posted in a long time, and the only reason I'm posting now is because I'm pissed off. So here goes.
Now I know Alyssa and Jessie are both going to be mad at me over this entry, but right now, I don't care because I have to say what is on my mind. They can deny it to me and they can deny it to each other and harrass me about it all they want because this is not the big fucking deal that it is being made into. Okay? I love them to death, but this is fucking ridiculous.
Alright, for the past two days, Alyssa has driven both me and Jessie home, all three of us knowing that Alyssa is not allowed to drive with more than one person in the car. Now the first time, it was a misunderstanding between the three of us, so Alyssa said, "Okay, but not anymore." Well then yesterday I caught up with Jessie in the hall. Now according to Jessie this was our conversation: Me, "I know it's your turn to ride w/ Lyssa today, but I don't feel like getting on the bus. So I'm going to tell Alyssa that I thought she said she'd take us both home for a while." I was like, "You know she can't." And she goes, "Yea, I know, but just for today." So I said, "Fine, but sine today is my turn anyway, I'm riding in the front seat."
Okay, let me tell you that is bullshit. She's playing me off as some kind of bully bitch who is always trying to get over and that was not our conversation at all. Now I'm not saying that this was our exact conversation, but this is closer to it. I caught up with her in the hall and was like, "Hey, I know it's your turn to ride with Lyssa, but do you think she'll take us both home?" Jessie's response was not, "You know she can't," it was simply, "why?" And I told her it was because I didn't want to ride the bus. I didn't tell her why, and she didn't make a big deal of defending Alyssa. And I said, "Well remember you said she should drive us both home everyday. I'll just say I thought you were serious." And Jessie laughed and went along with it. If she thought it was a bad idea, she should have told me at the time, or even later. Just admit it to me in stead of posting it on your goddamned diary that you know I'm going to read. Say it to my fucking face. I didn't "throw a fit" because I had to sit in the back, I was pissed, yes, but I got my ass in the back seat anyway and shut my mouth. And yes, I did fit when I slid down and the only reason my knees were "barely" against the seat was beacuse you scooted the chair up for me, which I thanked you for. And as much "fucking up" of the back seat that you claimed I did, you and Alyssa were laughing the whole time I was rolling around in the trunk and what not. Now at least Alyssa told me to my face that she was mad at me for putting on the spot yesterday. She didn't have to try and hide it from me or "play it off" as you like to put it. She flat out told me. And I apologized, yes, because I shouldn't have jeoprodized her liscense like that because it was unfair to her. I admit when I am wrong, alright? But she wasn't half as pissed at me when it happened as she was after you wrote that entry that made me off as some sort of bitch that doesn't care about other people's feelings, because I do. I also care about my own. Did I tell you why I wanted to ride with Alyssa again? No, do you want to know? Not that you care, but that fucking Tommy kid is in my goddamned Spanish class and he spent all of yesterday afternoon talking about my fat ass and how I was stupid and poor and all sorts of other shit. Yes, I'm fat. Yes, I'm not brilliant, and yes, I don't have money to throw around. But I do have fucking feelings and I dealt with his shit all through fourth block, I wasn't going to deal with it on the bus. If she wouldn't have taken me home, I would have sooner walked than rode that goddamned bus. I know I could have gotten Alyssa in trouble yesterday, and I apologized, several times for putting my feelings before hers. Because for that, I am sorry. Okay. That's probably the third time I've apologized for it, because I'm sorry I put you on the spot like that, I really am. And if you don't want me to ride with you anymore, I can understand, because you risked your license by taking us both home, and that is my fault, but please, please do not stop talking to me over something like this. It's past and I've apologized several times over, I don't care if you stop driving with me in the car altogether, okay. But I love you, no not in the lesbian way, but you are one of my best friends and I really am sorry. But you two are still my friends and I don't want to not be friends anymore because this. I understand if you don't forgive me, but please don't stop talking to me. You mean a lot to me and I'm sorry.
Snort the mooncrack.
MOONCRACKHEAD AND AWAY!
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