Sunday, Aug. 07, 2005: 4:15 a.m.
�Ahhhhhhh!�
Okay, that feels better.
College is just around the bend and I am going out of my damn mind just waiting. Everyone is going nuts because of everyone else. Well in the past five minutes I have decided to create a top five list of the people that are driving me absolutely fucking bonkers and why. However, don�t think that any positioning on the list makes me love them any less*. I love everyone on this list an immeasurable amount*, but I�m going nuts.
5. JD- Best Friend Stress
JD has only been driving me nuts the past two days when he has wiped the floor with my ass in Monopoly�. This isn�t a big deal except for the fact everyone else is driving me so goddamned nuts. I kid you not, when we played Monopoly� yesterday morning and I was losing miserably (as I always do, because I suck at Monopoly�) I cried. Can you fucking believe it? I cried during a game of Monopoly� because I had a minimal amount of money and landed on fucking Marvin Gardens when he had three houses up. But the thing is, I cried pretty much through the rest of the game any time I landed on anything that I didn�t own. This was just pent up stress from him already beating me twice in a fucking row. I hate Monopoly�. If Monopoly� was a person, I�d give a spoon and some grape jelly: SO IT COULD EAT MY ASS.
4. Phil- Older -Pain in the Ass- Brother Stress
I stayed a few days at Phil�s house. Now given, I have a funky ass sleep schedule. However, when I was awake, Phil was doing one or more of the following: fussing at me for sleeping at weird hours, telling me I could do something and then when I did it fussing at me, working, and he�d ask if he could borrow some money knowing how limited my funds were, but if I asked him for something he was all like, �I don�t have money! Stop trying to bum money off of me! I just got paid!� Which we all know makes no sense. Not to mention that the one time JD didn�t beat me at Monopoly�, Phil did.
3. Mom- Mom
�Stephanie, do this! Stephanie, do that! No, you can�t get your license even though I promised it to you over a month and a half ago! No! No! No! I�m going to continue treating you as though you are five years old although you�ll be eighteen in less than two months and are leaving home for college in less than two weeks!�**
2. Gailmi- Older Sister, Mostly Argumentative Stress
Dad has offered to buy Gailmi a house. He would pay rent but she would have to pay the utilities and keep the house in an unattainable state of (as she put it) immaculateness. Not to mention that he could drop in, unannounced any time he damn well please. His supposed reasoning was so that Gailmi, Phil and I could all have a place to be together for holidays. Seeing how Gailmi will be in Charlotte because it�s simply where she lives, myself in Salisbury and Phil in Greensboro, both for scholastic reasons, all within an hour from each other. Right now home is where mom is, a one room apartment in Wilmington, about four hours away from the rest of us. (I�m in Wilmington now, but won�t be in two weeks when I go to school). I feel like a traitor for not hating the idea entirely. I always feel like we�re in a war: Mom vs. Dad. I feel like I am biased in always choosing Mom�s side, but I�ve lived with her my entire life, so it�s perfectly understandable. Recently, however, I�m wondering if Dad deserves this� then I talk to him and remember how fuck nuts he drives me and how evil he is� which brings me to my next point�
1. Dad- Arch-Nemesis and Father Stress
Well there is the thing with the house, plus school, braces, shopping for school, my weight, just general insanity that he always ensues. My entire life my father has been the leading cause of my indignation. While he is always driving me 1000% (yes, one thousand percent) nuts, this thing with the house is the worst. My sister and I never got along growing up and when she went off to school and we never saw each other any more, we got a lot closer. However, this shit with the house is making us argue on and on back and forth. It just makes me feel like shit. We�ve not fought like this since she moved out, and that was, like, five fucking years ago. It is just under my skin. My sister is the only person in the world who knows how to make me feel bad about anything, even if I�ve not done anything wrong, so this arguing over the house thing, which was originally caused by my father�s constant yearning to have control over his children�s lives (now cleverly disguised as an interest in our adult lives that he never had when we were actually children) is the cream of the �driving-me-nuts� crop. My sister and brother are just coming to the point now in their lives where they lived with our parents being apart an equal amount of their lives as the amount of time that our parents were raising them together. However, since I am so much younger than them, I�ve been with my mom the majority of my life; so I feel like I don�t know my father and that him trying to make up for the 15 years of my life when he had little to nothing to do with me at all is crock of shit. I think he needs to pay my college tuition, because I�m at least entitled to that, and just leave me alone. Just dealing with him makes me sick to my stomach because he is so fucking emotionally abusive that I can�t tell if it�s just his douche-ity or mental coaching from my mom my entire life. No matter what it, is driving me fucking bonkers and I don�t want to talk about it any more.
I�m going to listen to MC Chris and post this same entry on my new MySpace account. I'd link it, but Diaryland is being an ass right now. It's http://www.myspace.com/mooncrack. Check it out.
Snort the mooncrack.
MOONCRACKHEAD AND AWAY!
* - unless otherwise stated
** - not exact quotes
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