Sunday, May. 16, 2004: 7:51 a.m.
Let me start out by saying this: �Wow.� This summer, this website will be three years old. Congratulations to Mooncrack and all its readers that have been here the whole time. To those of you have just tuned in to this place recently, congrats to you, too. However, this entry is the 200th entry to be posted on the Mooncrack page and I�m proud to be its author. Can�t believe I�ve been running this site for as long as I have. Mooncrack has become more than just my website now. My sister and I came up with the name the summer of 2001 and since then I�ve had it embroidered on my book bag, I named my band Mooncrack last summer, I�ve written it on my belongings, its on my school ID, hell, its engraved on my class ring. The word means more to me than I can even understand, but the only word that describes it is this: �mine.� So, I�m very happy to present to you the 200th entry of Mooncrack. Here goes nothing.
Me and Jessie were having this conversation about who we thought was hot when we were little. So, the only people eligible were characters from movies and TV shows we watched in the early nineties. Take in mind, it's not the actors, it�s the characters. When we were little, we didn�t understand that none of that stuff was real. We didn�t understand the concept of acting and what not, so we thought all of it was real. Therefore, we weren�t attracted to the actors, we liked the characters. We started out with over thirty characters, however, some didn�t get votes, some were added at the last minute and didn�t get a fair chance, so we�ve narrowed it town to ten people. Some were tied, so of the two, I picked the one I liked better and placed it before the other. However, I changed the placement of number one and number two simply because I don�t care what anyone says, the one I liked better is better than the one everyone else liked better. Now, I might, later on, create a female survey, because a lot of people asked me to, but this is guys only. So it is with great humor and remembrance that I present you with�
At #10, with 3% of the votes is Shawn Hunter from Television�s �Boy Meets World.�
Though he barely made the cut, it doesn�t make us love him any less. I wanted a better picture of him. One with the leather jacket and the angry look on his face, but I couldn�t find one. Anyway, we all remember Shawn as Cory�s badass best friend that was always depressed because his dad was never home in the trailer with him so he skipped school and bought a leather jacket. He was one of our first bad boys. We all know that girls love the bad boys. Shawn Hunter is no exception to the rule. Rock on, Shawn Hunter. Rock on.
At #9, also with 3% of the votes are the Taylor Brothers from Television�s �Home Improvement.�
Yes, I know, a lot of people were all hot and bothers about stupid Jonathan Taylor Thomas, but I was hot for Brad, Randy and Mark. I was going to marry Mark� I was going to marry a lot of people. Anyway, yea. We all loved to watch these boys grow up with us. I remember that time that Brad first got his license and wrecked the car. I was so scared that he got hurt. We all learned a lesson though� I don�t remember what it was, but I�m sure that we learned one.
At #8, with 4% of the votes is Ian Malcolm from the film �Jurassic Park.�
Come on, ladies. A leather jacket, thick glasses, the black mullet and a smart mouth, Ian Malcolm was the hottest character of any dinosaur movie I�ve ever seen. He got his leg ripped up, his shirt ripped open and he was still kicking ass. Not to mention, he had the best line in the whole damned movie: �That is one big pile of shit.� Jessie told me that when she was little, when it got to that part, she�d rewind it and watch it over and over. What an excellent line and what an excellent guy. He was hot and a smartass. He told everyone that the fucking dinosaurs would find away to reproduce, all females or not. Sure enough, he was right. That is one smart man and �that is one big pile of shit.�
At #7, with 5% of the votes is D�Artagnon from the Disney film version of �The Three Musketeers.�
Before Chris O�Donnell made it big with whatever he made it big with, he was in �The Three Musketeers.� His character is the young one that doesn�t want to listen to the elders that know what they�re talking about and he decides to avenge his dead father or something. I don�t really remember what the hell happened. Oh well, I think he got his ass kicked a couple times by a girl and the Three Musketeers had to save his ass a bunch, but I think in the end he aveneged his mother or whatever and he became the fourth musketeer. Go, D�Artagnan.
At #6, also with 5% of the votes is (Living) Casper from the movie� �Casper.�
Now, I know, Casper was a ghost, so that would be kind of like necrophilia. However, Casper was alive, for like, five minutes when he was Devan Sawa. It was during the whole Halloween party and he danced with Christina Ricci and he�s all, �Can I keep you?� That�s the hottest thing from any kids� movie that I�ve ever heard. It�s probably why he�s so high on the list. He sure grew up to be ugly. Anyway, (Living) Casper, as we all know, was a hottie-boom-balottie. I don�t think it needs anymore discussion.
At #5, with 6% of the votes is Aladdin, from the Disney movie, �Aladdin.�
Come on, the vest, the baggy pants, the bare feet, the hat, the monkey� need I go on? Aladdin was just sexy. He walked around with no shirt, just a vest, letting his huge pecks hang out. I could ride his magic carpet all night long! Not to mention, he was poor� I don�t know, something about that was supposed to sound appealing, but I guess it really didn�t. Anyway, he wore next to nothing and he sang really romantic songs. Come on, �A Whole New World� is the most romantic Disney song ever. Aladdin is a hottie.
Now this is when the votes really were quite competitive. At #4 with 12% of the votes is Will Banks from the TV�s �The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.�
Yes, I know, his name is Will Smith. Before you go correcting me, be reminded that this is listed by character names and the character�s name was Will Banks. Now we all remember Will, and we all still know the theme song by heart. We all remember how his mom sent him from Philly to live in Bel Air with his Uncle Phil. We remember his short cousin, Carlton, who was the supporting role. Remember how they used to make fun of each other? Good times. But with his silly mustache, his big ears and witty jokes, young William stole our hearts. Like most comedies, it had one of those serious episodes. Remember when Carlton had a gambling problem and Will had to fight to get him out of it. That was one to remember. Thanks for the life lessons, Will Banks. And thanks for growing up to be even hotter.
At #3 with 16% of the votes is Luigi Mario from the video game/movie �Super Mario Bros.�
We all remember him in the game with his high jumps and green hat, but in the movie he came to life to be even hotter� but younger and without the mustache. A lot of people asked how Luigi got on this list and not Mario. Easy, Mario was already taken. Mario isn�t nearly as hot as Luigi anyway, but even if he was, he�s all about that stupid Princess Toadstool. So we couldn�t have Mario, even if we wanted him. I always used to get pissed during the game, though, because I was always Luigi and I�d beat a castle and it�d still say �Thanks Mario.� Fuck you, Mario� so yea, Luigi roxxors my boxxors. I tell you, the overalls, the green shirt, the green hat and the white gloves, they just do it for me.
At #2 (#1, vote wise, but my vote give the power to over rule) with 27% of the votes is shared between two characters: Zack Morris and A.C. Slater of TV�s �Saved By The Bell.�
I knew these two would get the most votes. Yes, we watched and cried at the trials and tribulations that Zack went through with Kelly and the ones Slater went through with Jessie. I always liked Screech, but I like nerdy boys� and I was alone in that. Anyway, they were always getting out of detention with Mr. Belding. (That was his name, right?) But never did they get out of trouble. Remember that time Jessie was hooked on caffeine pills and Slater confronted her about it. I never understood that when I was little. Too bad she grew up to be a stripper. (Reference to �Showgirls.�) I miss those wacky guys.
Okay, second place by the votes, but placed in first with my vote; at #1 with 19% of the votes is Uncle Jesse of TV�s �Full House!�
That�s right! That crazy motorcyclist is my #1, and I don�t care what anybody says! Uncle Jesse kicks ass! He was super hot with that black leather jacket and matching mullet! Yes sir, I was going to marry that Uncle Jesse. He was bumming off of his brother, but helping him raise three girls (four, if you count Michelle as being two, since she was played by the Olsen twins) and he was doing it like a hottie, because that�s what he was. I have to admit, I think I cried when he married the reporter chick, but hell, he was hot! It was sad to see him go. I found a bitchin' site dedicated to him. I laughed, I cried, I was deeply moved. Check it out. WWUJD. But none the less, he made it to my number one because he is the hottest hottie of the nineties.
There you have it ladies. It�s been almost three years, and it�s been 200 entries. There were many other characters nominated, but they didn't make the cut. Some of these characters include (but are not limited to) John Conner of "Terminator 2: Judgement Day," Kevin of "Home Alone," That kid from "Angels in the Outfield," Sam from "Clarissa Explains It All," Jason the Red Ranger of "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers," Stefan Urkel (not to be confused with Steve Urkel) from "Family Matters," and that nerdy guy from "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" whose name I can never remember. However, these guys just didn't make the cut. But I'm proud to have the ones that did make the cut on this page and I hope it amuses you as much as it amused me... damn, I�m good.
Snort the mooncrack.
MOONCRACKHEAD AND AWAY!
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