Sunday, Jul. 18, 2004: 3:13 p.m.
Goddamn, I love crumb cake.
I spent the weekend at White Lake with Mom and Kelly. White Lake prides its self on being �the nation�s safest beach.� That kind of made me sad; the best thing that they could say about themselves was that they were safe� I guess that�s not a bad thing, it just seemed kinda pathetic. The only security guard that I saw was in the parking lot of a hotel with a homemade t-shirt with the hotel�s name on it and it said �security.� The guy at to be at least seventy-five and wearing a straw hat; by far one of the least intimidating people that I�ve ever seen in my entire life� poor bastard.
Me and Kelly wanted to rent a jet ski, but it was $50 for a fucking hour. Call me crazy, but that�s fucking ridiculous. So we looked around to see if we could rent a canoe, because every time I�ve gone there, we rented a canoe. Well, the place that used to rent out canoes turned into a senior center or some shit. The doors were locked so I looked in the window. All the lights were off and I saw a bunch of old people sitting Indian style in circle and meditating or something. I told Mom, she said that they were probably praying for sex� poor old people. We kept searching for about a half hour. We didn�t find a damned thing. I decided to go to the gift shop and look for a float or something that could amuse us. We pitched in a bought a blowup raft and ores. We spent about two hours on the water with that thing. He was hell deflating. We didn�t have to inflate it because they did it at the store with when we bought it, but we had to deflate it this morning before we came home so that we could fit it in the trunk. That thing would fucking kick ass to take to the beach. My neighbor has a pump that I could use to inflate it and then we could go to the beach and ride the waves in. It�s not hard to get into when you�re on the water, and it doesn�t flip that easily so we could take out to where we can�t stand up, climb into it and ride it into shore.
Last night they played South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut unedited on Comedy Central, around 1:30 AM. That was great. I forgot how goddamned funny that movie is, and seeing it on TV gives it an extra kick. It made me want to call someone a �donkey-raping shit-eater.� I don�t know how they get the censors to let them play that shit, but it was awesome. Not to mention that they�d been playing the show all night. I finally got to see Mr. Slave. �Jeethuth Critht.� He came on that show after my cable got cut off. Last time I had cable, Mr. Garrison�s assistant was Mr. Stick. That was ages ago, huh?
I�ve been trying to write a notebook to Angel, but my life is so fucking boring, I can�t write about anything. I tried to make a video a while back. I was only able to record on about a third of it because my VCR decided to be a dried-up, stinky dick-licker. I hate my cheap VCR.
I finally decided that I will do an independent film for senior project. I couldn�t decide before if I was going to do an independent film or direct a musical, but I chose the independent film. It was inspired by this hermaphrodite that I saw at a hamburger joint in Elizabethtown. It�s about a gay guy named Jeffrey (because all guys named Jeffrey are gay, with the exception of one) and his boyfriend, Alex. Well, Jeff�s mom hears him talking about Alex and decides that she wants to meet Alex (of course she thinks that Alex is a girl). In stead of paying some girl to pretend to be his girlfriend, he has Alex dress up as a girl. All this came just from seeing a hermaphrodite in a hamburger joint. Inspiration comes from the strangest and most unexpected places, eh?
I think that I�m about done here, you guys.
Snort the mooncrack.
MOONCRACKHEAD AND AWAY!
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