Tuesday, Feb. 11, 2003: 7:55 p.m.
Let's see, hmm... what's causing my depression today, huh? I'll tell you what. JD. Goddamnit. Why is it that boys wouldn't touch a fat girl with a ten foot pole, but chicks don't get all high and mighty about it like that? It's not right, it's not fair! No, life isn't fair, but I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up about JD. I've done this with everyboy I've ever liked. Well I pretty much asked him if I had any chance what so ever and he pretty much told me "no way in hell." So here's how it was exactly.
ME: "Listen, I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me honestly. I have been planning to do something fairly cute and romantic for Valentine's Day and I want to ask you. Should I even waste my time?"
JD: "...I'm gonna have to say 'no.'"
ME:"So, no, no I shouldn't waste my time?"
JD: "No, you shouldn't waste your time."
ME: "Alright then... I'm gonna go now... thank you for your honesty."
And that was it. God, I'm tired of boys caring so much that I'm fat. It's not just boys, it's society, and I'm tired of it. The worst part is my brother and all my friends that are girls, especially the pretty ones, keep telling me that boys don't know what they're missing, that I'm beautiful on the inside, I should be happy that I found out that the boy was an ass, and we all know it just goes downhill from there. I'm tired of it. I'm fucking tired of it. I'm tired of losing all the guy friends that I like simply because I like them that way. I'm tired of everyone telling me that I'm beautiful on the inside and that boys don't know what they're missing. I'm sick and fucking tired of it. It never makes me feel any better, it only makes it worse. So with that said, I'm going to go look for a brick to bash my head in with.
I've decided to take AP English III. I want to do Teacher Cadet, too, but I just don't know. I don't know what Drama I want to take. I don't know much about anything anymore. I do know that I want to bash my head in with a brick, so if you'll excuse me, I'm off to do just that.
Snort the mooncrack.
MOONCRACKHEAD AND AWAY!
diaryland.com
