2002-01-12: 7:46 p.m.
Howdy ya'll! How ya' doing? I'm listening to some music and being bored out of my mind! High school is ghetto! lol. I have Latin 1st block, ELP 2nd, Drama II 3rd and Adv English I 4th. Lindsey's in my ELP class. >_< He's always looking at me funny, always watching me.
I'm writing a new story. It's called "Going to Change" because I was inspired by the Chris Cornell song, "Can't Change Me". "Do you want to see it? Do you? Do you?" lol. Make sure you have alot of time, 'cause it's long.
�And he�s like, �That�s not what I meant.� And I�m like, �I know what you meant. You don�t want to think that you, for once, went out with someone for who they were and it�s beating you up that you actually care, because they�re fat!� And he�s all silent, like I�m the one being irrational. Do you believe him, Dameon?�
�Jesus, I always told you, you were too good for him.�
�I don�t know anymore� Alex used to mean everything to me. I remember when it was just a crush. I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. I used to watch him come in everyday� just gazing. He�s still important to me, but not after that bullshit.�
�Scarlet, I�ve been your best friend since 7th grade and you�re going to act like I don�t know you like the back of my hand? You�re too good for him. I�ve always told you that you were too good for that little shit anyway. He�s always treated you like crap and you�ve been dating for what, a year now?�
�And a month, next week.�
�See? That�s just it! You�ve been drooling all over him for, like, three years now and he�s done nothing, but use you as his little slave. You do everything for him, you worship the goddamned ground he walks on, hell, you�ve even gone to the Gap with him, perish the thought. He doesn�t appreciate you. You shouldn�t let anyone treat you like that. You deserve so much better.�
She sighed and poked at her lunch with her fork, �I want him back, but I don�t want his shit back, you know what I mean? He�s like� perfect, but he can be such an ass� I don�t know.�
�You�ve been with him too long. You need someone more down to earth, someone less of a prick.�
�And do you know this Mr. Right?� There was a cold silence. ��I just don�t want to move on and realize that I left my meaning of life behind.�
�He�s not the meaning of your life and you know it. Come on, where�s little Miss Hollywood? When you�re famous, he�ll be begging for you,� he bowed down on one knee and took her hand, ��Please, I�m so sorry, Scarlet. You were always right and I was wrong. I love you, merry me!��
She laughed.
�Come on, what are you going to say back?�
She pulled her hand away, �No, I�m too good for you� and my career wouldn�t allow it. I�m going to merry a superstar, much like myself,� she stuck her tongue out and they both laughed.
�See? You need to smile more.�
�Whatever.� They both laughed. She pushed her black hair back out of her face. �Oh, what are you doing this weekend? I need you to take me to Hot Topic.�
�Nothing that I know of, you know I don�t plan �till the last minute.�
�Well don�t plan at all, �cause I don�t have a car.� The bell rang, �Well, later.�
Scarlet walked to class, her baggy, black pants dragging, her chain clinking. She passed all the �preps,� and her fellow �punks.� It was just her normal walk to her Creative Writing class, but then she saw him and stopped dead in her tracks. He was talking to Tracy McCarthey, the biggest �prep�/�bitch� in the whole school. He was all over her, and extremely close as well.
�Goddamnit!�
He looked up, �Shit,� he slipped out, �I gotta go,� he told her without looking back and made his way toward Scarlet. She took a step back until she reached the wall and he was in her face.
�This isn�t what it looks like.�
�Oh? Then what�s this?� She pressed in close, leaning against him, �What�s this, Alex? You talk to all your friends like that? Or does she think you�re invading her personal space?�
�You�re over reacting.�
�You think so?� She saw Dameon walking by, �Dameon, come here.�
�What�s up?� Scarlet pointed to Alex. �Oh� you.�
�What�s that supposed to mean?�
Scarlet pressed in on Dameon, Alex�s fists clenched.
�This bother you? How about this?� She took Dameon�s arms and wrapped them around her waist and Alex bit his lip. �How about this? Huh? You don�t care yet?�
�Goddamn, Scarlet. It�s not like that!�
�Right, come one Dameon.� She took his hand and walked off with him and Dameon waved mockingly at Alex. Alex angrily watched them walk away and then went his own direction.
�Can you believe him, Dameon?�
�What a dick�� he looked at the clock, �It�s 7:30 babes.�
�I ordered a pizza before I called you and that was about a half hour ago,� the doorbell rang, �Speak of the devil, I�ll call you when I get done eating.�
�Okay, but make sure you do. Talk to you later.�
�Later,� she hung up the phone and walked to the door. She opened it and he pushed her back, stepped in and shut the door.
�Goddamn, Alex, what the fuck do you want from me?�
�I want you to listen to me.�
�I�m tired of listening to you. I�m trying of hearing your lies, your excuses, but most of all; I�m tired of you. You don�t just show up here and expect me to talk to you, you just don�t do that!�
�If I had called, would you have actually talked to me or given me your permission to come over?�
She looked away angrily and the doorbell rang again. She stared to walk to answer it, but Alex grabbed her arm.
�Let me get the door.� She tried to answer it again, but he pushed her onto the couch.
�You�re going to listen to me, fuck the pizza. You don�t need it.�
She kicked his shin and tried to run for the door, but he grabbed her foot and she fell. He pulled her back, she tried to scream, but he covered her mouth. He rolled her over and sat on her stomach.
�Now listen to me, goddamnit�� Scarlet was breathing heavy, scared of what he might do to her, �I�m telling you this because I want you to know; I care for you. You do mean a lot to me; I have to tell you this. Me and Tracy� I�� The expression her face went from fear to anger. She kicked him off and stood up.
�You shit! You didn�t��
He nodded and stared at the floor. �You asshole! How dare you show me your goddamned face? When?�
�About a month ago.�
�You bastard� YOU FUCKING BASTARD! Leave!� She felt tears streaming down her face, but she didn�t care.
�Scarlet, I�m sorry. I told you because you had to know. Tracy� she-�
�I don�t give a damn about that whore! You leave and you leave now or I�ll call the fucking cops!�
He got up and walked out the door, running into the pizza guy, knocking him over. Alex marched to his car. Scarlet stood at the door of the house watching him. They both glared at each other; Scarlet�s tears still pouring. Alex got in his car and drove off and Scarlet slammed the door. She walked back into the living room and lay on the couch and cried herself to sleep.
Dameon paced back and forth in his room.
�Scarlet,� he practiced, �You mean so much to me� I should have told you this before� no.
�Scarlet, we�re best friends, right? Well, I like you more then that� no!�
He continued to pace and think when the phone rang.
�Hello?�
�Hi, Dameon.�
�Hey, Scarlet! Why you sound so upset?�
�Alex� he just� have you ever known someone so long and just admired them from afar? Someone you knew for the longest time, you�ve felt for them so long and you can�t tell them?�
He was silent for a moment, �Scarlet� is there something you want to tell me?�
��I think I love��
His heart thumped out of his chest.
��I think I love Alex.�
It stopped. �Alex?� He could hear her soft crying.
�He came over today. When the doorbell rang? Remember, I said I had to go, the pizza was here? Remember? Well I opened the door and saw his goddamned face. It was him, like he was here to taunt me.�
�If his face is so goddamned, why do you say you love him? Last time I checked, you hated him.�
�He told me something today� Tracy� out of all the skanks and bitches and whores and preps, Tracy! Damn him.�
�See? You hate him, right?�
�This is my conclusion� I love him. If I hate him so goddamned much, why do I give a fuck? Why? Why, goddamnit, why!�
He heard her throw something against the wall and scream. He heard it break and clatter and thousands of shattered pieces hit the floor, just like his heart.
That's all I have so far. Well I'm gonna go work on it.
Snort the mooncrack.
MOONCRACKHEAD AND AWAY!
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