2001-08-07: 4:52 p.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2000
8:25 am
I guess I didn't write anymore yesterday. Oh! I was watching "The Box" yesterday and I called and played "Head Like a hole" and "I'm Afraid of Americans" TRENT REZNOR IS A SEXY BITCH! LoL. He looked kinda nappy in the video for "Head Like a Hole" 'cause he had these groudy-assed dreadlocks, BUT HE WAS DROP DEAD SEXY in "I'm Afraid of Americans". his teeth looked kinda yello, BUT HE WAS DROP DEAD SEXY!
Man, I really miss Sean. I bet he doesn't even remember me, he doesn't even know I'm alive. I'm going to finish saying what I was saying earlier: After that, I thought I hated him, so when I went to the living room to fold laundry, I wouldn't look at them, but when he went home, Gailmi promised me she'd stay awake and she went right back to sleep. She didn't care. She knew I was tramatized and she didn't care. I tried to sleep too, but I couldn't, so I walked over to Sean's. I knocked several times, I wasn't gonna leave without talking to him and it felt like years went by before his dad answered the door. I asked him if I could speak to Sean and he said he was asleep. So I asked him to tell him Steph was there. He told Sean and he let me in. I apologized for the time (it was 8:45 am) and thanked him for letting me in and I went to Sean's room. I was shaking the whole time. He looked so beautiful just laying there. The light slightly came through the blinds making his golden hair shimmer in the dim room. I couldn't see below his belly button, (he was under a blanket) but he was wearing no shirt, showing off his chest, but he kept his best feature from me... his eyes. He has the most beautiful eyes. They're blue with a pinch of green. And they swirl like a living storm. And they're so deep, so deep, I could get lost and die in his eyes, and I wouldn't mind either, but his he had his eyes closed. We talked and he asked why I was hurt by what happened. I was paralyzed, how did he know? I was hoping my actions would make him think of me as angry, not hurt. I couldn't answer. He knew too much, I stayed silent, but then he told me. He told me about this guy in Raligh, (he used to live there) the guy used to kick his ass all the time, he hated him. But when Sean moved to Wilmington, he was so used to him kicking his ass that for some reason, he missed him and then he started to love him. I freaked out, he knew, he knew exactly how I felt and all. I used to hate him, and he knew that. He knew I hated him before he moved, I told him I hated him! But he moved and that happened to me. Was it because Gailmi told me how she felt or was it because of this theory? I didn't know. I hated myself for not knowing and for not telling him. He insisted on driving me home. I told him no, but he insisted. I went into the bathroom, blew my nose and while he got dressed. He drove me to the corner next our house because he didn't want to talk to Gail-Marie, and I walked the two houses and he left. I walked in the house, went to my room, layed down, I was finally able to sleep. I almost went crazy when I found out he went back to Charlotte. I think that was last time I ever saw him. I sent him letters and things. He never has written me, but he called, once, and told me how sweet they were, but it wasn't even why he called. It's not enough. It's not enough, goddamnit. I've stopped sending him letters. Not because he doesn't write back, but because I'm pretty sure he gets humor from reading them. He reads them and laughs at seeing I care about him. He thinks I'm a child, it's that simple. I can't stop myself from caring. He probobly remembers me as this short, ugly, fat, girl with no boobs, but oh, how I've changed. My self confidence has risen, slightly, so I think I'm pretty. I've lost a couple pounds or it's moved my chest. I loive my hair. I take so much more care of it now, no more knots, lol. I hope he comes for Thanksgiving, or at least Christmas. I'll be gone the 27th of December to the 3rd of January. I would love it if HE would come with my mom to pick me up from the airport. Or better yet, if he would come alone. I doubt my mom would let him though, she doesn't trust him. Gee, I wonder why. Okay, OFF OFF OFF! No more discussion of Sean.
9:43 am
Tifa
11:38 am
Sorry, Weiner caught me wrting. Oh my God! What the hell did Earl do to his eyebrows? It looks like he put eyeliner or something. I can understand eyeliner so understand eyeliner on your eyes, but on your eyebrows? His big fat egghead, he can't get his necklace off. Now he's making fun of Demetrius and me for talking about going trick-or-treating tonight. Be back, Test, Mrs. K's getting P.O.'ed.
11:47 am
Tifa
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