2001-07-08: 10:37 p.m.
Nothing in life is free. Alot of people will say "the best things in life are free", but that's bullshit. Later on in life, that really good thing, will come back and bite you in the ass. It's not karma, it's life. I've spent all of my life making everyone else happy and when will it be my turn? If it comes back later when I'm old and wrinkled then I don't want it, I won't be able to use it. When you think you have a great friend, you don't.
Some go behind your back and talk shit about you, some force you do things you swore you'd never do, others you fall in love with and they hate you because of it (if you know me, it is so not who you think it is), and others just move away.
They sware to you they won't be happy where they go, they sware it on their grave. Next time you talk to them, they've settled in and they say they've never been so happy. You lie and tell them you're happy for them, but really you hate them for giving in so easily. Then you hate yourself for being so selfish. It's all too obvious that I'm talking about someone I know, but it's not fair.
Otherwise there's some asshole who you forced yourself to fall in love with when they think you're a little kid. To them, you are. (Now it's who you thought before.) Other people just make fun of it like it's a simple crush because they don't understand at all and niether do you, but you don't tell them that because you don't want them to laugh at you or hate you or even confront you about it because you're a whiny little pussy that's afraid of confrontation, afraid of feelings, and even more, afraid of yourself and your selfishness. You're afraid of your selfishness because you're afraid it will consume you and the world will hate and it's in your head that it already does and you wish you were insane so you didn't have to care anymore.
You're sad and tired and you just want to die. Just once in your life, you want to not be lonely. You wish everynight that when you go to sleep you just won't wake up. You won't even try to kill yourselp because you're afraid there's no heaven and you have such a low pain tolerance. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I've been typing and crying for an hour.
I'm gonna tell a joke though.
This guy dies and he's in hell and the devil is giving him a tour so he can choose which section of hell he wants. In one, they work all day and have nothing to drink or eat. In another they are tortured all eternity, non-stop, and in the last section they're all standing knee deep in shit. So the guy says, "Okay, Satan, I'll stay here because at least I don't have to work or be tortured when I know I won't die." So he gets out in the middle of the shit and Satan yells, "Okay everybody, back on your heads!"
Well ending on a high note. Snort the mooncrack.
MOONCRACKHEAD AND AWAY!
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